Self-Control

Self-Control is the thinking skill that helps children learn to control their feelings and behaviors in order to make good decisions, while aiding in reducing impulsive actions and effectively dealing with frustration. For example, a child may use Self-Control when encountering a difficult problem on a test and, rather than impulsively writing down an answer, is able to control her anxiety and figure out answer.

Video games can help improve Self-Control by allowing kids to practice their Self-Control skills while in the midst of a fun and immersive gaming experience. Many games require that players stop themselves from engaging in a previously-successful action in order to learn a different approach on a new level. Similarly, the capacity to handle frustration is an inherent part of the learning process that is present in well-designed video games.

Watch the video below to learn more about how video games can help your child improve her Self-Control thinking skill.




Featured Self-Control Games and Beyond Games
Pick a Self-Control game or other digital technology (Beyond Games) from the lists below.

Learn More About Self-Control

Self-Control involves learning to control one’s feelings and behaviors in order to make good decisions, reduce impulsive actions, and effectively deal with frustration. This thinking skill focuses on learning how to manage frustrations and difficulties while displaying socially-appropriate behaviors and engaging effective problem-solving strategies.

Individuals who can effectively regulate their feelings exhibit the thinking skill of Self-Control. They are able to deal with their feelings and stop themselves from engaging in ineffective and inappropriate actions. Individuals who are able to display effective Self-Control often give themselves messages through self-instructional strategies, are positive or optimistic, and learn how to take a “time-out” when their feelings start to get the best of them.

Self-Control helps children to plan out, consider, and display appropriate behaviors. Self-Control is important with regard to a child's ability to size up and monitor a situation before acting. This skill is important for noticing the nonverbal and social cues that help guide behavior. Self-Control is also important in understanding acceptable behavior in a particular situation and is a necessary component of considering the possible consequences of one's behavior.

Skillful application of Self-Control is seen when children:

• generally display a consistent mood and are easygoing.
• have positive rather than negative self-images.
• are able to accept criticism without becoming overly angry or defensive.
• handle day-to-day frustrations well, such as changes in routines or expectations.
• develop strategies to soothe themselves when they are upset.
• sustain their efforts on tasks that are difficult or frustrating.
• understand the need for taking turns in game play.
• show appropriate caution while crossing the street or using a knife.
• read the directions prior to taking a test.
• take enough time to understand social situations before joining in.

Unskilled use of Self-Control is seen when children:

• display anger or frustration when they need to share or wait their turn.
• overreact to insults and teasing.
• act out in an inappropriate fashion or get overly-stimulated in situations such as birthday parties or family functions.
• become very frustrated with academic tasks that they perceive to be difficult.
• engage in high-risk activities without taking necessary precautions, such as riding a bike without a helmet.
• have a tendency to blurt out answers to questions without raising their hands.
• display a propensity to start a game or assignment without looking at the directions first.
• are overly-aggressive in sports, causing their peers to not want to play with them.
• produce sloppy schoolwork.
• have difficulties coloring within the lines (younger children).
• mistake a plus sign for a minus sign while doing mathematical calculations (older children).

Home and school situations that require Self-Control:

• raising one’s hand before answering a question in class
• waiting for one’s turn to play in a game or to speak during a conversation
• reading the directions before starting an assignment
• dealing with a younger sibling who is annoying
• waiting in line at school or at a store
• keeping oneself from falling back asleep in the morning
• not talking back to one's parents when upset
• managing one’s attitude and energy level so that they are appropriate for the setting or event
• being a member of a competitive sports team or club

Hints and strategies to improve Self-Control:

• model effective strategies for dealing with anger and frustration. Your child can learn how to appropriately express her feelings by observing your behavior. Model appropriate “stopping” behavior or take a “time-out.” To properly model these processes, verbalize your strategies. For example, say, “The computer’s not working, so I’m going to walk away for a few minutes. Then, when I’m calm, I’ll come back and figure out how to fix it or who to call for help. If I allow myself to get upset about it, then I’ll probably take out my frustrations on somebody else, which will cause more problems and won't help with the ones I'm having with the computer.”
  
  
• increase your child's frustration tolerance by incrementally introducing more frustrating games and activities into her play diet. Have your child play a game that frustrates her in order to practice coping strategies that can help her work through her emotions. For example, while playing basketball, count how many lay-ups out of 10 that she can make and then have her move back 2 feet at a time to increase the difficulty of the activity. Help your child understand that “You can’t win them all.” Assist your child in being realistic and understanding that she will not get the ball into the basket every time or hit a home run every game -- the best baseball players are successful only 3 out of every 10 instances.
  
  
• provide your child with verbal praise and rewards for not being impulsive and for stopping or pausing an inappropriate response. Choose 1 or 2 specific impulsive behaviors to address, such as blurting out answers or not taking turns. Provide your child with strategies to avert her impulsive behaviors, such as covering her mouth with her left hand while she raises her right hand. This can be applied to a school or a home setting where a teacher or parent gives age-appropriate rewards.
  
  
• have your child think about her answer to a question a few seconds before she verbalizes her answer. Teach your child to count to 10 before acting. Practice this by counting together aloud before making a decision.
  
  
• arrange for your child to play games with other children that require her to wait for her turn. A game that involves patience is Chutes and Ladders, while a game that involves both patience and concentration when counting the number of spaces to move is Trouble. For older children, games such as Risk or Chess can also be helpful for improving concentration and patience, since these games require one to constantly think about the next move.

Further Reading About Self-Control:

• Cooper-Kahn, Joyce, Ph.D. and Laurie C. Dietzel Late, Lost, and Unprepared. A Parent's Guide to Helping Children with Executive Functioning (Chapter 11). Maryland: Woodbine House, 2008.
  
  
• Cox, Adam J., Ph.D. No Mind Left Behind (Chapter 9). London, England: Perigee Press, 2007.
  
  
• Dawson, Peg, Ed.D. and Richard Guare, Ph.D. Smart but Scattered. (Chapter 11, 13). New York: The Guilford Press, 2009.
  
  
• Dawson, Peg, & Richard Guare. Executive Skills in Children and Adolescents. New York: Guilford Press, 2010.
  
  
• Goldberg, Pamela. Become a Master of Self-Control: Meet Melly, Her Color is Mad. Bloomington, IL: Camp Make Believe, 2003.
  
  
• Lantieri, Linda & Goleman, Daniel. Building Emotional Intelligence. Boulder, CO: Sounds True, Inc., 2008.
  
  
• McCloskey, George, Perkins, Lisa A., & Bob Van Divner. Assessment and Intervention for Executive Function Difficulties. New York: Routledge, 2009.
  
  
• Meltzer, Lynn. Promoting Executive Function in the Classroom. (Chapter 7, 8). New York: Guilford Press, 2010.
  
  
• Richard, Gail J. and Jill K. Fahy. The Source for Development of Executive Functions.East Moline, IL: Lingua Systems, 2005.
  
  
• Schwarzchild, Michael. Helping Your Difficult Child Behave: A Guide to Improving Children's Self-Control-Without Losing Your Own. Lincoln, NE: iUniverse.com Inc.,2000.

What's Next?

Next, it's time to play Shape Switcher. Click the "Shape Switcher" link in the navigation bar or click here.

Remember, you don't need to play all three games in one session. In fact, in order to give the lessons a chance to sink in, it would be best to play them on separate days.